ButterFLy wiShes.....

2005-11-17T00:37:00.000-08:00

hmm....just seen the tag..well, what to say?one of the person who ask me to confront him about that matter now turn around and say i am asking for trouble...well,it seems like there are hypocrites around...they are ever ready to turn tail and run when troubles come...haha..thats the worst type of hypocrite on earth i guess..haha...well,as for the ither matter about being a bitch,well,i guess everyone knows who the real bitch is though we dun wanna say anything about it..haha..it seems like pple who arent around are suddenly popping out and accusing others wrongfully..well..thats life isnt it??life is full of bitches like these...haha..what to say?except that i dun give a damn since i am not in the wrong ...haha...

2005-11-17T00:28:00.000-08:00

Today is the 16th of November 16, 2005…Clinical starts next Monday, the 21st of November 16, 2005…today was relatively fine…pretty rainy though…haha…but I love the rain…rainy days are my favorite…although sunny days has got its own advantages…its just that whenever I see the rain I feel very calm…it gets me thinking…it also gets me feeling…feeling for things with my heart…my soul…there are hardly things which gets me emotional than rain itself…but it does not diminished my love of it…how many soul-searchings have I done on rainy day itself? Haha… suffice to say, the rain is my passion…as much as nursing is my passion too…
Love can touch us one time, and last for a lifetime… and never let go till we’re gone…that’s true isn’t it…many times I question myself over it…haiz.. the song lyrics below is that of pearl harbour.. its “There you will be” by faith hill…

When I think back on these times, and the dreams we left behind, I’ll be glad cause I was blessed to get to have you in my life. When I look back on these days, I’ll look and see your face…you were right there for me…
#CHORUS# in my dreams I’ll always see you soar above the sky, in my heart there will always be a place for you for all my life…I’ll keep a part of you with me, and everywhere I am there you’ll be (and everywhere I am there you’ll be)
well you showed me how to feel. Feel the sky was in my reach, and I always will remember all the strength you gave to me….your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you, you were right there for me
#CHORUS# in my dreams I’ll always see you soar above the sky, in my heart there will always be a place for you for all my life…I’ll keep a part of you with me, and everywhere I am there you’ll be (and everywhere I am there you’ll be)
cause I always saw in you my light, my strength. And I want to thank you now for all the ways you were right there for me…you were right there for me…for always….
#CHORUS# in my dreams I’ll always see you soar above the sky, in my heart there will always be a place for you for all my life…I’ll keep a part of you with me, and everywhere I am there you’ll be (and everywhere I am there you’ll be)…

that’s very meaningful isn’t it…somehow you’ve got to go through what I have been through to truly understand how I feel…I know many people will call me silly…but it’s the truth that I cannot control how I feel…if I could, do you not think that I might want to be free of this misery? Its hurting me too much…but hopefully what Kenneth said is true…that with time’s passage, all these memories can be erased from my mind’s eye…I just want to forget about all these..i don’t want to live in the shadow of the past anymore…it hurts too damn much…but in the meantime, I’m not going to stress myself out...i am simply going to relax and prepare for my final clinical placement before I graduate…hopefully I can escape all these bitter memories unscathed….

Gu Brath…

2005-11-17T00:27:00.000-08:00

Life has been pretty ok recently…on vacation this week though…Hmmm…I will be going back to attachment next week…It will be my last clinical posting before I graduate as a full-fledge enrolled nurse…Thinking back, these 2 years that I have been through has taught me a lot…lots of life lessons…I have also been going through a emotions roller-coaster these 2 years…Joy, sadness, envy, depression, stress, misery, hatred…God…You name it, I have it…Maybe its part of going into adulthood…I don’t know…I just know that the emotions I have experienced these 2 years is more than my coming to 20 years add together on this earth…I don’t know what possessed me to make the mistakes that I have made these 2 years. Suffice to say, I have been pretty vulnerable both mentally and emotionally …maybe its because of these that made me made that mistake… that cruel and unforgivable mistake… Lets just call it “The Biggest mistake“…Indeed it’s true that it’s the biggest, unforgivable and worst mistake I have made in my entire 20 miserable years on earth…David is right…I’m the greatest, stubborn, worst idiot in the entire world… Although his exact words were :”stupid fool” , I know that he kindly refrained from using those four words I just used to describe myself, for fear of upsetting me...He did not have to fear that he will upset me, as I was already extremely upset…And also because I know that that’s the truth…because if I’m not the greatest, stubborn, worst idiot on this earth, then I would not have made the mistake I made…Only a great, big, stubborn idiot will make the mistake I made…So if I am not that, then what am I? I really appreciate that some people, or should I say most people stood by me when I was suffering from bouts of depression when the aftermath of the mistake struck me…it was during that period that truly made me realized that there are many people whole truly care for me…And it also made me realized who are the people who truly cares for me…They did everything within their capacity to ensure that I heal…they cajoled, they threatened, they encourage, they scolded…they did everything…if it wasn’t for them, I doubt that I would be here now…I didn’t want to continue with life after the repercussions of my mistakes struck…I didn’t know how to cope, how to put everything behind me and start afresh…I didn’t want to let go…And that’s the crux of the problem…if I can’t let go, there was no way I can continue with my life and start afresh…Even till now, I still can’t truly let go…I am still clinging on to that part of the past…Even when I thought I had finally put that part of my life behind, the same thing occurred again…I faltered…in the end I succumbed to it again…And the whole cycle repeat itself again…I hate it…why did I falter? If I had not, then I wouldn’t be so miserable now…But one thing I know for sure…I made the same mistake twice…There damn well won’t be a third time…I maybe an idiot, but even an idiot knows that when a mistake is made twice, there damn well can’t have a third time…Not that I’m counting on a third time though…its just that I know I won’t make this mistake a third time…If I’m given another chance, I will put these things behind me and start afresh…And pretend that that mistake have never happen at all…I want a better future…And it won’t exist unless I can let go of the past…Otherwise I will forever be living in the shadow of the past, and wishing for things that can never be…what Cheryl said was true…what should not have happen, have already happened…it should never have been, and it wasn’t meant to be…why can’t I just happily and go on with my life instead of wallowing in misery…why can’t I give thanks for whatever that I have now instead of wishing for what that can never be, and should never be? It has got to stop…this madness…I am determined not to live in the shadow of the past...instead I will carry on with life and pretent that it has never happen at all… perhaps better things will come my way… but I am not holding much hope, since life has never been hopeful for me…Its just not fair...But as many people pointed out to me…: life is never fair… its true…life is never fair…not even for one short blasted second…well, I guess we learn as we age…I just hope that one day I will have the sort of happiness and fulfillment I crave…But not when it is too late…But from now on I will learn to live life to the fullest…and take joy in everything…instead of feeling any negative emotions..

Gu Brath…

2005-10-05T01:12:00.000-07:00

today is a wednesday..i hate it....i hate thursday..why? there's sports and wellness..and it sux... it absolutely sux..arghzz....haiz..next monday we are having rock climbing..though i got nothing against rockclimbing...i can say for certain that i absolutely detest it NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! why???because the organisers are big bullys..they force all of us to go even though some of us has got phobia of heights!!!!!!!!!!!!and we are having our BCLS on wednesday..arghzzz...i hate 'em all!!!!!!!!!!!!haiz...some people are such b******...owe people thing dun wanna return..then put the blame on another person..like what Z told me ..people like them don't wanna accept blame even though is their fault..haiz..its all right..at least i know there are jerks like these around..haiz.z...another can't be bothered about it much..anyway,had a pretty ok weekend..haiz...it has been a emotional trying and tiring period...whatever it is ,the final exams are coming in another 2-3 weeks..gotta study hard..get it over and done with...at least we will be graduating soon...haiz...i wanna go out for my CP2 soon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!arghz...i miss my friends already ...haiz...hmmm...wonder how is Dr Lee faring now...hmm..he's the nicest doctor i ever met...haha..he is always so willing to teach you and guide you along even though he is not required to..he don't even have to take note of us..haha..but as i've said,he's the nicest doctor i ever met..hmm,well..wherever he is, i wish hiom well and hope he succeed in all his future endeavours...and may the angels watch over him always..well..till next time then...angels watch over you guys too...

2005-09-26T19:41:00.000-07:00

a tuesday..haiz...got mdm ganeson's CDP class...arghzz...it all sux..why do we have to go for classes like that????????we are nurses.not a bloody businessman!what the heck u want us to sell?????medicines?ECG machines?surgical instruments?or what????i hate all these classes..and why does it have to be 3 hours??arghzz....its not relevant to us in the first place..haiz..if its not for mdm ganeson,none of us would even be bothered to go for all these classes..haiz..she is our life skill lecturer who followed us from bishan to simei..haiz..shes a good teacher lorx..arghzz...i am going nutters!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Help! help! i'm going psychotic!!!haha..no lah..its just that life has been pretty stressful.haiz...haha..and i'm still very normal..not going psychotic..haha...but near..i'm the next candidate for IMH...arghzzz...haiz... :)
haiz..whats wrong with people recently??why are'nt they thinking with their brain?why are they speaking and acting like a brainless idiot???don't they know that people too have feelings like themselves??why do they have to make insensitive remarks about people?whether its about their studies or looks or appearance or whatever..no..nobody said anything about me..its just that i heard MANY people passing insensitive comments on other people..who or what gives them the right to pass comments or judgement on other people?NOBODY is perfect is perfect on this earth.so they are not perfect.but they are just so damn conceited...its like shit!!!
haiz...when will they ever grow up??i mean when will people like them ever learn to respect other people for who they are.and don't think that they themselves are not god!!pheww...haizz..people like them are really incorrigible!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!i just thank god that that i won't be seeing them for long..cox we will be going our seperate ways soon........haiz..really dread going IMH..don't want to see "HIM"not sure if i am able to deal or cope with him or things that are related to him in my this frame of mind..haiz....but whatever it is..we have to learn to let go of the past and carry on with life..nothing is permanent in this world.....but whatever it is may all things work out well for everybody ...angels be with you always... till then...

2005-09-25T21:43:00.000-07:00

another monday...haha...overslept again today...haiz...how many times do i need to wake up late in 1 week...i've gotta leave my house by 5.30 if i wan to reach SGH in time..haiz...and when i go IMH,......gotta leave my house at 4+ 5.. if i want to be on time...haiz...never mind lah..just gotta get use to this lifestyle..hm..had a pretty good weekend...haha...we went to the red house at pasir ris to explore....arghzz....its just so damn eerie and scary...i'm never going there again...hyaiz...yeah..we'll be going to east coast this saturday..yeah..look forward to it..haiz...i saw "his" wife and two kids at white sand on saturday...haiz..his kids has grown up...both of them look like their daddy...they are cute..really lovable..haiz..i really miss him..don't know what has gotten into me this few weeks...getting damnn emotional and sentimental...haiz...guewss i just gotta learn to live with it..haiz...well..but whatever it is..life has to go on.. iot has to..what will be will be...angels be with you always....

2005-09-21T22:13:00.000-07:00

"Love can sometimes be magic,
but magic... can sometimes just be an illusion..."

How very true that is...you never really know how very true a particular quote is till you experience it yourself...haha...As time past,people usually mature with time...but some people,whether it is due to ignorance or sheer stubborness,is unable,or simply refuse to mature with time...Another quote that is very true is:

"Where there is love,
there is life...."

This is another very true quote..i leave you to ponder on it....till the next time.......

2005-09-19T21:26:00.000-07:00

* Life is not measured by the number of breath you take.............

But by the moments that takes your breath away...... *

how true that quote is,i leave each of you to ponder on it...whether your make a startling realization depends on how you view and decipher this quote...and once you undersatnd this quote,you will then begin to realize/discover many life lessons--truly.........

2005-09-19T21:23:00.000-07:00

*Love is like swallowing hot chocolate before it has cooled of....

it takes you by surprise at first,

But keeps you warm for a long time..... *

2005-09-19T20:07:00.000-07:00

haha..its only tuesday...Arghzz...another 3 more days before the weekend comes...had much fun for the past few weekends...haha..not going to elaborate on what type of fun..haha... ;) hmm..these few days have been pretty ok...not exactly peaceful,but a slight improvement..haiz... wish there were more pleasant things that happen....well..as a matter of fact,we'll be leaving the campus in another 5-6 weeks time..haiz...well,though i don't really like this campus,i find that i will certainly miss some people...friends lah actually..hee....but there is one special one though..haha...wish him well..and wish that all his wishes and dreams come true..and good luck in all his future endeavour..actually all this while i have been living in a fictious world....its what i make my world out to be..instead of what it is in reality..haha..but those who know me well ,knows that i am never one to accept reality...not easily....but after a long long period of time..haha...provided that i am even able to accept it or that i want to...haha...even now i'm still avoiding that reality..he's gone...the relationshipis over and done with...forever...haha..its high time i let go of it....don't wanna end up like last year..when i went through hell...how apt the description...went through hell...thats exactly what i went thru..if not for the constant encouragement and support from close friends,i doubt that i would have recovered so fast...for that i will eternally be grateful to them...actually thinking back i have been pretty lucky..fortunate in many many ways...haha..to have survived till now makes me realize something....thats sometimes somethings are really not meant to be..and that if its this case,there's no point wallowing in misery,or wishing that things were different.....theres no going back..and if u regret ur actions,then you've got to learn to live with it for the rest of you life.if u suffer,then it well means that THAT mistake is a freaking big one...and that make sure that we don't make the same mistakes twice....if u end up like me,i wish you good luck...but well,tahts all in the past...no point talking about it...talking about it will only open more wounds....old or new alike...so my advice to all of you is that when making a decision,think clearly..is it right?morally,ethically.etc...but i guess we have to make mistakes in order to learn from our mistakes..i just hope that nobody will up like me...getting hurt time and again by the same person..in a way,i made the decision of stepping into the lion's den by myself..haha...all i know is that i will live with this regret till the moment i take my last breathe.......

2005-09-12T19:18:00.000-07:00

another new day..a new day a new start...haha..dunnoe since when i have became so optimistic..haha..but they say that a person's wisdom grows with age..in my case....haha...hopefully lah..i have never had much faith in love..but some recent events made me sort of alter my perceptions about love..haha...a girl's fancy la i guess..u could say it.. :)
last night i dreamt abot him..that "HIM"haha..how long have we broke off..?almost 4 months..haha..despite all these freaking dejecting things i have to deal with and feel after we broke up,i just can't help thinking about him...i finally understand that most of my actions for the past 4 months are indirectly related to him...some thing i did to simply spite him..others...,well..,i dunnoe..it seems that somehow a part of my heart will always be with him..it seems that that part of me is forever lost to me..here..i finally made a shocking discovery..and that is that i still love him..no matter what i have said and what i have done...,i have always love him..i dunnoe how long it has been,and how long it will last...but i just got this uncomfortable feeling that i will always love him..right..he hurt me time and time again...lied to me time and time again..disappoint me over and over again..but the bottom line is.i still love him...now and forever..i know this is stupid and irrational..but i just cant help how i feel..i don't think i want to change that fact even if i can..i know that if i persist in doing this again,i'm stupid.plain stupid.stupid beyond cure..i don't like this feeling of sadness and despair whenever i think of him.of our time together..but i just can't help it...there are better guys out there..but he is the only one that i really love..and will only love..i just feel that i no longer have control over ny brain and heart..i hope i can wake up in time..

2005-09-01T02:49:00.000-07:00

jux came back from a camp...sianz sia....hahha..bt i enjoyed myself alot lohx....got to noe many pple there too..hahha...recently alot of things happen loh..oso dunnoe hw to start...haiz....but i guess i jux need some time to solve all these problems...life could gt worst...hahha...bt no matter wat,i wouldnt gv up...i will carry on to the very end..i will prove to them that i cnt be defeated by it...till then...angels be eif u always..

2005-07-31T19:29:00.000-07:00

another sickening and boring monday...haha...today is Nurse's day..our day...but it does'nt feels good..haiz....life is getting from bad to worst..have never felt so sux in my life....its beyond hope...was on the phone with david last night..i don't know why,but after talking to him i just feel so queer....i don't know why,but he simply have no confidence in me..and somehow he sees me as a small kid...no way man..gonna prove it to him that i'm no longer a small kid....and i will prove it to him that i mean what i say...i woul'nt go back to "HIM" again..it just hurts that he does'[nt have much confidence in me...no david...i will show you that i mean it..

2005-07-24T20:35:00.000-07:00

i dont wanna fall to pieces

i just wanna sit and stare at you

i dont wanna talk about it..

if always you'll tell me

and always you'll be there

if always you'll hold me

and always you'll see me

if always you'll know me

and always you'll love me

then always and forever we'll be...

im sick of crying
im sick of lying
im sick of falling

and never dying

im past all caring

my limits are failing

for all that tying

and all your denying....

2005-07-24T19:26:00.000-07:00

as usual...life sux...sometimes lohx..for the most part actually...in another dilemma...what kitty and jieying said is true...gotta ask myself if my feelings for him is true...and not feeling on the rebound..well..i dunnoe..i guess half is sincerely true,while the other half is feelings on the rebound..the resemblance is uncanny...but what frighten me most is their mentality..even right down to their aspiration...their devil may care attitude..why are they so similar?why must this type of things happen again?what is happening?what am i suppose to do?could what kitty have said be true?i really hope it is...but deep down i know that its impossible..we were never meant to be...i better give it up and carry on with my life..i don't want to cry a tear for "HIM" ever again..the past one year was pure hell...i want a better life for myself..a better future..i did'nt know how to live without "HIS" love..but maybe like what bella said...i'm perhaps given a second chance...though not with him..but with someone who bears an uncanny resemblance to him..even their attitude,character,mentality..maybe..but i just got this gut feeling that this won't work out..i dunnoe...really feel so simply confused that i'm once again standing at a cross road...except i'm holding myself back with more restraint that i usually do...i dunnoe how to exp[lain this inexplicable feeling i'm feeling..i guess i can only pray for guidance from "them"and perhaps i gotta do what i have been secretly learning..well..till then..

2005-07-19T02:14:00.000-07:00

another boring day..nothing much to do...yeah...eugene coming out from BMT this friday...yeh...kinda miss him actually..haha..our friendship lasted quite long..this year will be the 8th year already...haha...my friendship with him is the only one that i am able to sustain since primary school..of coz still in contact with some secondary school friends,but i find its his friendship that i really really really treasure...of course i treasure all my friendship...but it is his friendship that means most to me...he is just like a guardian angel..quiet,always there...whenever i needed helphe was always there..haha...everybody was just so different 8 years ago..of coz people change..but not like so drastic..haha...i admit i have change a bit...erm...quite a lot actually..haha...since no one is able to recognize me..attitude or no attitude...well...whatever it is, wish everyone the best...angels be with you guys always....anyway,we watched antz today..it was pretty funny..but it was rather sad too..babartus died...haha..almost cried...but irts nothing unusual...be it my crying or somebody dying..have seen a fair share of people dying since i went out into attachment....its sad...but to live is to accept that one day you will have to die..nothing scary actually...if you have known that you have not done bad things in your life..eg..hurting people ect..then i dont think you have to worry about dying...anyway..always look for the rainbow after the storm..and i happen to be in love with the rain actually...almost like there is something mystical about it..the old power behind it..till then.......

2005-07-17T20:21:00.000-07:00

another MONDAY!!!!!!!!!arghzz..... i hate it...yeah well,another typical monday blue..had a freaking bad week end..did'nt do much...stayed at home most the time to revise for next week's BCLS......arghzzz.... sometimes life really sux..but certain things or certain people make it tolerable...even worthwhile....my friend cried in class today..though i don't know why she is crying,i wanted to cry along with her,...haha..stupid of me right..haha..but ever since "THE MISTAKE" i've been real miserable..been hurt so bad that i almost could'nt climbed back..but i almost did..thought i finally managed to have a new life..but HE came back..and..i just made the stupid mistake of going back to him..thought he was really repentant,really sincere this time..thought he really regretted hurting me..i thought he has became better..but he did not..should have known he is not capable of changing within such a short period of time..if he is ever able to change at all..everybody was telling me not to believe him again..that he is not capable of change...well...i did'nt listen to them./..again..and i really regret it..after that..i had a real difficult time getting to my feet again..still have not succeed,but i'm glad that many of my friends are standing by me and giving me support..after "THE MISTAKE",i'm afraid my actions has not been really rational..jumping into scraps one after another..not gonna do it again..gonna prove to him that i am strong enough to live without him...for now,i'll just take one step at a time..i am still unsure if i still have feelings for him..this time round,my resolve gotta be strong..otherwise i might just shatter and not heal again..just wish him all the best,and hope angels will be with him always..just met a guy who really look like him...95% alike..haaha..they are just so similar in most way..right down to their devil may care attitude..haizz..what to do?thats life..till then again..

" No matter how hard life seems,never give up on your dreams....."

2005-07-10T19:11:00.000-07:00

another typical monday..had a biology test this morning...probably would'nt do well..haha...was'nt in the mood,so did'nt do much prep studies..anyway..came across an interesting and strangely emotional quote recently...well,gonna keep this short...so gonna leave you guys with this quote to ponder on...till then...

"Destiny cannot be choosen,
but we can choose to accept it or resist it..."

2005-07-08T00:50:00.000-07:00

just finished my phase test...it was very bad...arghzzzz!!!!! how could i forget the most important things?haizz...guess i was pretty nervous...goodness gracious...that day we were watching a movie clip about charles dickens..it was pretty scary..scary in the way that it reflects certain parts of my past...anyway,i have decided to start a new life...WITHOUT him...its better this way....life is full of ups and downs..but no matter what ,life has to go on..i have decided to give myself a chance for a better life..its traumatic in a way...but,life has to go on...thats what jason always tells me..hmm..i actually kinda miss them..after graduating from secondary school..all of us kinda lose contact...but no matter where they are now,i wish all of them well and that may they have the best out of life..my advice to all is that.forget your past,cherish your present..and treasure everything you have now..be it living or non living...angels watch over you guys always...

2005-07-03T19:17:00.000-07:00

a brand new day,a brand new start...haha...but too bad i'm suffering from the monday bluessssssssssss... *sob sob* had a pretty good weekend....except for the part whereby i saw HIM again...haiz... :( its ok..have gotten over that part of misery.. :) time for a new start...you know what,i actually bothered to study during the weekend..had a pretty good time catching up with friends..haha...life is starting to get pretty dull nowadays...no more camps to escape to...haha...speaking of camps,i miss my kids...haha...not MY kids..but the kids i was assigned to take care of during the camp..haiz...my kid jonathan is especially cute...hehe..for all of us,it was love at first sight with him...haha...i keep telling my friends i'm reserving him for my future daughter..haha..that is provided i have one...kids are really cute..but sometimes just by looking at kids,it makes you long for things..what could have been,and what could not...haha..i guess i'm pretty resigned to that fate already..but at least i have many friends who really care for me.. :)now i've got a question for everyone:if one day a fairy appears and grant you 3 wishes for your whole life,what would you wish for?would you use it all at one go?or something?do let me know.. :) till next time...angels watch over all of us..

2005-06-30T20:34:00.000-07:00

yeah!!!!!friday is finally here!!how long i've been waiting for today..haha...3 days of relaxation is finally here.....arghzzz...had a terrible day at school...was'nt late actually..was there on the dot as a matter of fact..but the sickening lecturer made a mountain out of it..haha...i was'nt the only one anyway..i think half of the lecture hall's occupants were late...hehe..anyway its all over..time to enjoy...funny that now when i think back of the past,it no longer hurts that much..maybe i am starting to recover...but whatever it is,i',m never gonna look back at it again..it really hurts..but i no longer view it from the same perspective i view it when it first happen..both of us was at fault actually..he was'nt the only one..i can only wish him all the best in everything he do..and may he have a second chance at happiness..take care....maybe one day i can finally forget you and what we had..as for now,i'm SINGLE..gonna enjoy it as much as i can......... :) i look foward to graduation day..its less than 9 months away...haha..i have no regret choosing nursing as my profession...i love what i do...hehe..in the meantime to keep myself mentally alert,i am thinking of what 3 things i can wish for if a fairy appear and grant me 3 wishes..hehe....maybe you would like to think about it as well...till then..
if you love something,set it free..
if it comes back to you,its yours forever..
if not,then it was'nt meant to be in the first place..

2005-06-28T20:26:00.000-07:00

had a extremely boring day....sch,sch,sch,sch...its always sch...can't wait to be out at attachment again.....................................................................the routine is just so boring....wonder why some people are born the way they are...some people just love to wallow in their misery..worst still they use it as an excuse for their behaviour..after this goin to have lunch and life goes on as usual...the usual routine just repeat itself..wish there were some thrills in life..preferably some miracles..hehe..however thats just wishful thinking..i no longer believe in miracles...it just does'nt happen...no matter how much people believe in it..charles and camilia's marriage simply isn't miracle....maybe one day i'll grow up and stop believing in miracles and fairytales...everything that people believe...